Pages

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Aftermath

I've been pretty quiet for a long time. It seems that despite my best intentions, hopes, and dreams, I can't seem to build the motivation to share a recipe.

It's not personal, please understand. And I have been cooking, not to worry. 

It's just that since this tiny little cherub was thrust through my womb I am a little, how do you say, "off balance." It feels akin to being slammed against a wall, turned upside down and the entire contents of my home turned on their end and left with picture frames, rocking chairs, and small throw pillows littered willy nilly throughout my entire emotional and physical space.

There are moments, and hell -- let's just me honest, whole days, that I sort of 'forget' that I even really exist other than breastfeeding, changing, soothing, gurgling, and washing.

I really tried to be prepared, whatever the hell that means. I really have no idea how I could have done any better. I had the nursery ready, the diapers, wipes, and clothes in the right places, and my heart was set on having this sweet little baby.

Then he came and my home became unrecognizable. And after nearly four months it remains devastated and I stand without excuses in the rubble of my former self.
He laughs and my heart swells so big I think it might explode and he cries and it is the loudest saddest song I have ever endured. But when he sleeps, oh, when he sleeps, there is no better quiet.

Overwhelmed may be a good word to use here and feeling a little under qualified is another way to put it. But most of all I'm honored to have been chosen by this little cherub to serve as his mother for the rest of my days.  

I will find my footing again and share recipes and thoughts. I've even started blogs thinking that I would be posting a recipe, then found doing nothing and staring at the wall so much more apropos to the day's survival.
I am sending my love and light this morning as my new family sleeps. And I think I will join them in their quiet slumber.

I guess you can say I am still cleaning up my home. 

Patience... it truly is a virtue to behold. I appreciate yours and pray for my own daily.

Note: These were taken almost three and a half months ago. He has grown so much (see below)! And well, gosh, so have I.
 

17 comments:

Annette @LosingYourBelly said...

He is absolutely beautiful.

Hot Mess Cooking said...

Thanks Annette. I sorta think so, but I'm super biased!

Hot Mess Cooking said...

Thanks Annette. I sorta think so, but I'm super biased!

muskan said...

"Your honesty about the challenges of motherhood is so refreshing. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling 'off balance' with a new baby. Thank you for sharing your journey!"
laser welding machine in delhi
Spices Distributorship

Techno worlds said...

That chicken and spinach lasagna sounds incredible! I love the twist of using chicken instead of beef – so much healthier, and I'm sure it's delicious!"
Die Mould Rack India
Mobile Compactor in Delhi

Shinetowine said...

"I can relate to those feelings of overwhelm and the intense love for your little one. It really is a whirlwind. Hang in there, you're doing amazing
Office Furniture Manufacturer Delhi
Cantilever Pallet Rack in Delhi

aman said...

"The way you describe motherhood is so raw and beautiful. It really shows how deeply you love and care for your baby. Wishing you strength and more restful moments!"
Mezzanine floor in hyderabad
Industrial Exhaust Fans Manufacturer

getindustrialproducts said...

"Cooking with a one-month-old in tow is no small feat! That vibrating chair sounds like a lifesaver – I’ll need to look into one for my little one!"
Shampoo Pouch Packing Machine
Shrink tunnel manufacturer

Nishi8171 said...

"Wow, two meals in one! As a new parent myself, I’m always on the lookout for easy, make-ahead recipes. Thanks for sharing this one!"
Supreme Court lawyer in Noida
saw Palmetto Oil Manufacturer in Germany

onlinepromotionhouse22@gmail.com said...

"I never thought of using chicken in lasagna – it’s such a nice twist and a bit lighter too. Can’t wait to try this!"
Fennel Oil Manufacturer Indonesia
dairy queen franchise

Tripti said...

"Your openness about the ups and downs of motherhood is so comforting. You’re not alone in feeling like you're 'still cleaning up' – we’re all in this together!"
SEO Company in Delhi
Sparsh Bagga

prachi said...

"I totally feel you on forgetting to exist outside of baby duties. It’s a big adjustment, but you’re handling it with so much grace!"
Ambani
Indian Relatives
Nanital

Sumit said...

"It’s beautiful to read how motherhood has changed you, even if it’s messy. That love you have shines through every word. Thank you for sharing!"
Brand Investment
Brand Business Invesment

SHUBHAM said...

"Lasagna with spinach and chicken is such a great idea! I’m excited to try this for my family. Thank you for the inspiration!"
HDMovies4U
TamilRockers

Web designing house said...

"The description of him laughing, and your heart swelling – I felt that so deeply. Parenthood really is a wild ride, isn't it?"
MoviesVerse
FilmyZilla’s

varshakush said...

"The lasagna sounds delicious and nutritious. I appreciate that it’s loaded with fiber and protein – perfect for a postpartum body!"
Mezzanine floor Manufacturer in Delhi
MKVKing

karishma said...

"Your words really capture the transformation of becoming a mother. The chaos is real, but so is the beauty. Sending lots of love your way!"
mp4moviez
Movie4Me